NOTE: Daniel and Kelly speak to this question on Episode #20 of The Abel Speaks Podcast. You can listen on Apple, Spotify, or your app of choice.
Daniel Crawford:
Welcome to The Abel Speaks Podcast, where we speak to commonly asked questions by parents who have received a life-limiting diagnosis for their child. We’re Daniel and Kelly Crawford, and we’re glad that you’ve joined us.
All right, friends, welcome to The Abel Speaks Podcast. We are going to answer another question today similar to a previous episode where we talked about whether or not should I have a baby shower? Today, similar, but different, we’re going to talk about should I make a nursery, which especially if you’re expecting your first child could be just a really relevant pressing question. Why don’t you speak to that for us, Kelly?
Kelly Crawford:
I would just say in the episode regarding should we have a baby shower and in this conversation about a nursery, there’s freedom. That’s all we want parents to hear is that you’re free to do it however feels right to you and whatever feels like a blessing, whatever’s going to bring you joy, whatever’s going to bring you peace in this season, then do that. We’ve seen families have a nursery. For those families, that just felt like a sweet place for them to go during pregnancy. A lot of moms say, “Hey, I loved sitting in the rocking chair reading to my baby or praying or just thinking about them in a quiet space that felt designated for them or for us.”
That brought them peace. That was a great use of that space for that family. And then we’ve had other families, which is the camp that we fell in, of just it didn’t feel like it would bring us joy. It felt like it would be a hard reminder that we might not get to bringing Abel home. And then also I think for me, it just felt like I don’t… When we were pregnant, I was like, if Abel does pass away, I don’t want to have to then feel like at some point I have to remove the nursery, which felt like removing parts of him almost. I didn’t want to have to do that. We chose not to do a nursery, and that was right for our family.
We’ve seen other families choose that route as well. And then every now and then, we also have families that just designate maybe a little corner in the living room or in a extra room for the baby that isn’t maybe a full-blown nursery, but just is a place to be quiet and reflect on where you’re at in the season and the pregnancy. They find that to be a sweet place to go to even after the baby’s born and/or if the baby passes away.
Daniel Crawford:
When I close my eyes and think about that, I think that’s the thing to keep at the forefront, is just that moment of a place that feels like a sweet, restful, peaceful place to reflect, to write, to read throughout the pregnancy, just be that safe place and special place. That can be any number of things, or it can be nowhere at all. You were about to say something.
Kelly Crawford:
Yeah. I think too, women, when you’re pregnant, you’ve got all these hormones, and especially towards the end of pregnancy, you literally… We call it nesting, but it’s like you want to prepare a place. I think that’s something that is ingrained in us. The Lord gives us this desire to create a place for our baby to come home to that feels safe and cozy and comfortable. I think a lot of times that’s how it’s expressed in maybe a more traditional or typical pregnancy.
If that feels like, again, a comfort to you, then I would say go for that. But then there’s also ways to channel that energy and that desire into our home or creating things for the baby that we could use in the hospital or different ways to feel like we’re still preparing for our child’s arrival because that is meaningful, but maybe we can do it in a way that feels more comforting to us.
Daniel Crawford:
And then the two last thoughts I would add, number one is if there’s some just practical side for you, planners and thinkers, unlike myself, and there’s a sense of like, whoa, we might very well have a baby that’s coming home, and then we got to be ready to care for a newborn. If we have nothing, where does that leave us? I would say that yes, there is wisdom in thinking through a, hey, in that scenario, what is our plan? But then I would also say, and we experienced this because we got to take able home and we had nothing, and it was you’ve got this tribe of people that have been waiting for months for some way to just express outpouring of love and care and support.
And now you’ve got tangible needs. It’s like, holy cow, people are going to hit the ground running. We had more stuff than we knew what to do with. It was just yet another just powerful picture of the Body of Christ at work and just the Lord’s provision at work.
Kelly Crawford:
I would say too, another thing that we tell families is just like newborns don’t need much. It’s a couple diapers, one or two outfits. You’ve got plenty. Early on, as Daniel said, it’s like people will provide more than you need, but also just reminding families of like, hey, we really don’t need that much. A lot of these preparations are just because it’s enjoyable to us. But if in this season it ends up not being that, then don’t feel obligated. But also if you’re still like, no, I’m pregnant and this is my way of celebrating my baby, then by all means, lean into that and enjoy every moment.
Daniel Crawford:
My last thought would be, I just think of one family I know that we spoke with that I just felt really burdened for, essentially there was this sense of, well, if we don’t almost prepare a place it, are we in a way speaking over our child’s story doubt and hey, we don’t see this going well. We did a whole episode, number eight was on did you pray for healing, where we approach this more theological side of that conversation that I would encourage and point you towards.
But for this one, I would just say, man, I would love to see that burden lift of, hey, how this story is going to play out, how my child’s life is going to play out, I just promise you, it’s not going to come down to did you make the nursery or didn’t you? With that, any other things you would add? I think you touched it all really well.
Kelly Crawford:
Yeah, no. I think just be free of doing what you feel is expected of you or the traditional thing. If that blesses you, by all means go that route. But if not, then think outside the box and have fun with it and make it your own.
Daniel Crawford:
If it feels like it steals away in any capacity from peace and from comfort, feel no obligation. If it ushers those things in, then in this scenario or any other numbers, run towards that and pursue that in celebration of your child. That wraps up this episode of The Abel Speaks Podcast. We will see you next time.
Hey, friends, thanks for listening in. We hope this content has been helpful. At Abel Speaks, we exist to support families who have chosen to carry a child with a life-limiting diagnosis, and we want you to know that the foundation of that support is rooted in relationships. If you are a parent in this circumstance, then by all means, continue listening in, but we’d really encourage you to reach out by sending an email to support@abelspeaks.org.
Again, our heartfelt prayer is that this episode has served you in some way and that we might have the opportunity to serve you further in the future. The Abel Speaks Podcast is produced by the team at Tarnow and Company and mixed and edited by the team at Sound of a Rose.
